Are You Experiencing or Promoting Toxic Positivity in Your Mind or Relationships?
along with holiday stress Among us, especially during such a time of change, many may be facing higher than usual levels of toxic positivity. When you’re faced with negativity and everyone keeps telling you to be positive, it can have the opposite effect. It’s no surprise to many of us that examples of toxic positivity seem to be on the rise during this holiday season and New Year’s.
I spoke with Michele Leno, a licensed psychologist and the show’s host. Dr. Michel’s ideas matterdiscusses the effects of toxic positivity, what it is, and what we can do about it.
What is toxic positivity?
“Toxic positivity often involves ignoring negative emotions and focusing only on positive emotions,” says Leno. If you talk to someone who is having a hard time but only express positivity in return without considering how they are really feeling, Then they are likely suffering from toxic positivity.
We can apply this to ourselves or each other, and it’s often learned as a social trait. For example, you may have heard phrases like: “Be strong; it’s not that bad” or “Smile through it.” These phrases are not always used as toxic positivity; communication can be highly nuanced, but the ideas contained in these phrases strongly represent the way toxic positivity manifests itself.
In many cases, poisoning positivity can also be a form of gaslighting. this American Psychological Association Defines gaslighting as “the manipulation of others into doubting their perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.” Suppose you try to make yourself or another person feel irrational and unreasonable for having negative emotions instead of positive ones. In this case, you may be experiencing both toxic positivity and gaslighting at the same time.
“When toxic positivity is used in a relationship, it can be similar to gaslighting in that the partner may use it to control and manipulate the environment,” Leno says.
The light side phenomenon is similar to the toxic positivity phenomenon, but it’s not always as extreme. They are often used as synonyms, but positive emotions can also express situations where negative emotions are downplayed but not ignored. In contrast, toxic positivity tends to exert greater pressure to deny negative emotions altogether in favor of positive emotions. Leno says the two phenomena are very similar: “They block authentic emotions and can cause people to feel emotionally restricted. They don’t want to deal with your ‘negative’ emotions, so they prevent you from discussing them.”
How does positivity turn toxic?
People often have difficulty realizing the depth of their emotions. Leno said positive emotions can become toxic “when they are used to mask true emotions.” She further emphasized how this can kill a person and lead to more negativity instead of less. “Pretending you’re happy when you’re unhappy can leave you feeling overwhelmed and anxious… However, the inner tension will build until a solution is found. Your feelings are bound to manifest behaviorally or physically (or both) Come out,” she said.
Positive signs of poisoning
Toxic positivity focuses on ignoring the negatives in favor of the positives, even when doing so is unrealistic (especially when it is unrealistic). Therefore, most toxicity-positive signs will reflect this pattern of avoidance and redirection. How these signs manifest themselves to others, ourselves, or our environment (such as the workplace) may vary, but the theme is similar. The main difference is who is the initiator of toxic positivity and who is the target. We can do this to ourselves and each other, and accept this from our environment (think workplace encouragement posters).
Leno lists the following positive signs of poisoning:
- “I can’t accept how I feel.” This is a strong indication that we are applying toxic positivity internally and not allowing our negative emotions.
- “Feeling uncomfortable with my emotions.” This is a difficult thing to do because many emotions are challenging and many people are uncomfortable with how they feel. However, if this discomfort causes you to downplay your negative emotions and exaggerate your positive emotions, you may be stressing yourself out with toxic positivity.
- “Ignoring someone else’s experience because it feels negative.” If a person dismisses your experience purely because it was negative, they are likely to apply toxic positivity. The idea that your experiences should be inherently positive, regardless of the possibility of negativity, is a powerful example of toxic positivity.
- “Accusing someone of being too sensitive or not thick-skinned because they feel uncomfortable.” Suggesting that a person is inferior or “not strong enough” because of a negative experience or emotion is the highest form of toxic positivity. The idea here is to effectively shame and shun those who have experienced anything less than positive, which in itself is quite toxic.
toxic positive effects
Toxic positivity can have a range of effects, usually negative, ironic though that may be. According to Leno, people who experience toxic positivity may “feel invisible, inferior, and irrelevant… cause or worsen anxiety and depression. It reduces our ability to cope because we basically go around pretending that nothing is happening. Others may view our interactions as fake and fake. “
In my personal opinion, This can lead to avoidance of emotional growth and lead to increased stress. No matter how hard we avoid emotions, they will find a way to express themselves. Generally speaking, the sooner we start dealing with them, the better.
in a relationship, Toxic positivity can easily lead to relationship imbalance, gaslighting, and avoidance of doing difficult emotional work together. As a result, the bond of the relationship may be weaker than in other relationships, and the relationship and the individual’s overall health may be compromised. In the workplace, toxic positivity can Increase worker burnout ratesrequires a certain level of emotional perfection that does not exist.
In each case, toxic positivity reduces the functioning and health of the person involved.
“While encouraging someone to think about the positive aspects of a situation may seem harmless at first, rejecting their current feelings may make them feel more depressed,” Leno says. “Venting is a way of processing emotions. We need to feel what we’re feeling feelings and knowing that they are legitimate.”
How to deal with toxic positivity
When it comes to dealing with toxic positivity, Leno says, “It’s okay to embrace positivity, but don’t risk authenticity. First, acknowledge the problem. Second, think about how you’re feeling. Finally, think about what’s possible Solution.” This tip helps individuals face and process their negative emotions and experiences while working toward positivity without forcing or denying their difficulties.
Leno says that when faced with toxic positivity, “directness is best. If someone suggests that you deny your emotions, let them know that doesn’t work for you. We can also say, ‘I noticed that this made You’re not feeling well, and I’m not going to talk to you about it.'” The trick here is to keep enough space for yourself while leaving space for others. Essentially, you have a right to express your feelings and they have a right to express theirs, but neither of you has the right to dictate how someone else feels. The line between police action and emotion is often tricky, but can be discerned with effort.
If your positive experiences with poisoning become severe enough, you may need Talk to a mental health professional. Signs of reaching this point, Leno told me, “include high levels of anxiety, sadness, fatigue, avoidance, an inability to cope with even mild stress or change, and difficulty relating to others because they’re not ‘happy’ enough…”
Toxic Positive Alternatives
Since toxic positivity is something to clearly avoid, we should consider some alternative ways to manage our emotions, which may encourage healthier outcomes. These will involve consciously experiencing and processing our negative feelings and experiences. They will also focus on moving in a positive direction. However, the difference between healthy and open pursuit of positivity and toxic positivity is crucial. This difference is mainly reflected in whether a person faces and deals with the negative side on the road to the positive, or whether he tries to suppress and ignore the negative side in favor of the positive side.
Feel your emotions, good or bad
“Allowing yourself to feel your feelings, good and bad, is healthier than trying to suppress them,” Leno says. The idea here is that no matter what we’re going through, we have to acknowledge it and get over it. When we ignore or suppress our feelings, they don’t really go anywhere. They still affect us on multiple levels, but we become less aware of it because we have internally declared that these feelings do not exist.
You may have noticed that when you decide to act a certain way emotionally, it often doesn’t go well. We don’t have immediate and direct control over our emotions. In many ways, Emotions are internal processes that happen to us It’s something to be experienced rather than dictated to.
However, in the long run, we can distort our experiences through healthy emotional labor. When we face and process our experiences, we maintain a healthier emotional baseline, reduce the accumulation of negative emotions, and reduce self-imposed stress. This creates an internal environment more conducive to a positive experience. In short, allowing yourself to experience negative emotions honestly may lead to more authentic positive feelings in the long run.
Although there are many ways people talk about developing a healthy relationship with emotions as a healthier alternative to toxic positivity, they all come down to the same basic idea: feel your emotions, good and bad. Some methods, such as therapy or meditationmay have unique structures that help individuals achieve these goals, but all toxic positive health alternatives have the same focus.
bottom line
Toxic positivity is when a person focuses on the positive while avoiding the negative, to the point where negative experiences may be viewed as a violation. We can apply toxic positivity to ourselves and each other, and even instill it into our social environments.
The core problem with toxic positivity is that it focuses on avoiding a wide range of authentic emotions in favor of denying, suppressing, and pursuing inauthentic positivity. The long-term consequences of this can be damaging to individuals, relationships, and groups on many levels. A healthier alternative to toxic positivity involves experiencing our feelings, good and bad, and allowing ourselves to truly see and process them.
