Standing on the threshold of grief, documenting the bedrooms of kids killed in school shootings
I never wanted to be the reporter knocking on the door of someone who had lost a child in a school shooting. But I still stood there knocking on the door.
After years of pent-up frustration, I found myself standing on the threshold of national grief. By 2018, the epidemic of school shootings in America had taken its toll on me. There are so many that news coverage feels like a treadmill. It seems to me that this country has become desensitized and lost its empathy for the victims and their families. I want to do something.
For help, I contacted Lou Pope, One of the best still photographers in the country. But he said he has never faced such a challenge: “taking a portrait of someone who is not there.”
On March 27, 2023, Chad Scruggs and Jada Scruggs lost their daughter Hallie in a car accident. covenant school shooting in Nashville. She was 9 years old, the youngest of four children and their only daughter.
Chad looked back at photos of Halle and recalled how much she loved sports and “had more stitches than any of her brothers.”
“It’s so much fun having a daughter,” Jada said.
“We had the opportunity to have her for nine-and-a-half years, which was a lot better than not having her at all,” Chad said.
But their farewells weren’t quite over yet. They still share her bedroom.
Over the past six years, eight families from five school shootings have invited us into these sacred spaces, giving Americans a firsthand look at what it’s like to live with emptiness. child’s bedroom.
we travel to Uvalde, Texasa gunman killed 19 children and two teachers at Robe Elementary School, including 9-year-old Jackie Cazares.
Jackie’s parents, Javier and Gloria, said people always told them they couldn’t imagine what they were going through. but they say we need To imagine, that’s why they invited us in.
“It makes everything more real to the public, to the world,” Gloria said. “Her room totally speaks to who she is.”
In Jackie’s room, we see the chocolates she saved for that day, evidence that she never got to enjoy her dream vacation, and the pajamas she never wore again.
What struck us was how many rooms remained virtually untouched years after the shooting.
Frank and Nancy Blackwell lost their 14-year-old son, Dominic Blackwell, in the accident. Saugus High School Tragedy Near Los Angeles. That was 2019, but in his room, it felt like yesterday.
“We just decided to keep everything from the last time he went to school that day,” Frank said. “He didn’t prepare his room for photos. He didn’t put away the stuffed animal because he was worried about who would see it. He woke up, got dressed, and went to school. He thought he was coming back and we were all looking forward to it He’s back.”
So many rooms waiting for a child who will never come back.
Charlotte Bacon murdered in Newtown, Connecticut2012, six weeks after Halloween. Hidden in her room is the 6-year-old’s last library book, now 12 years overdue.
On Valentine’s Day 2018, 15-year-old Luke Hoyer was killed in Parkland, Florida. When we visited his home, his bed was still the same as when he left it.
Alyssa Alhadeff, 14, was also killed in the attack. parkland shooting. The whirlwind in her room had stopped.
Carmen Schentrup was another Parkland victim. The watch she bought for her 16th birthday was still ticking, but the inspirational quotes that filled the room no longer resonated.
The choice between keeping a room as it is or packing it up and repurposing it is a pain many parents feel.
Bryan and Cindy Muhlberger lost their 15-year-old daughter, Gracie, in the Saugus shooting. They told us they often talked about what to do with her room.
“Because when I walked in there, I felt her presence,” Cindy told us.
Brian wondered, “So does she disappear when the room doesn’t exist?”
I didn’t realize how taxing these rooms can be on some families.
“I just want to say that I’m having a very tumultuous relationship with (Hallee)’s room right now,” Chad said. It’s very painful, but a lot of the time you want to feel sad – because sadness is part of connecting with her. “
Chad and Jada told us that Halle’s room also brings a smile to their faces when they show us the kitty hoodie she’s been wearing.
These rooms are literally filled with a rainbow of emotions, as tender as a lullaby and as shocking as a crime scene. Clues gather dust and lead us past all the places these kids have been, until that moment when everything suddenly stops and there’s not even time to close the cap on the toothpaste tube.
In the end we took over 10,000 photos. These parents hope that at least one of these photos will stay in your heart, that you will carry their pain forever and use that heartache to stem the tide of all those empty rooms.
